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Paul Gascoigne with Hunter Davies - Gazza: My story (Headline - paperback edition 2005)

 

ImageRekoh već pravi a ne onaj "narodnjački" pančevački buvljak je neiscrpni izvor kojekak'ih čudesa. Rakeza, alias Zograf, mnogo toga duguje ovoj najdemokratskijoj instituciji (proverite njegove knjige i stripove) a nedavno mi je priopćio da mu je čuveni Dušan Makavejev u Parizu eksplicite izrazio sumnju u činjenicu "da se i da l' se baš tako nešto opisano i iscrtano tamo može zaistinski naći." Eto, svake nedelje buvljak ponovo radi (pa je lako to i proveriti, doduše cirkus bez šatre, ako neki to očekuju) a/i nadam se i dalje će, sem ukoliko onaj burgermajster što nam rukobludom navija ekološke sirene radi distribucije sopstvenog lika na elektronskim medijima, ne odredi da opet onaj sivoekonomski mučenik & liferenat seksi magazina & dvd's & iznošenih čarapa ne ugrožava borbenu gotovost metroa zvanog Beovoz, koji prolazi samo dve ili čak tri fuzbalske poljane izdaleko. I iz brige za narod preventivno zatvori. Ah, taj altruizam i neumesne nežnosti naših voljenih politikanata i nosioca brada.

 

Volim da tamo gledam i čeprkam knjige, prije svega - najpre tomu i hvala na čuvenoj knjizi & katalogu - njemačkih crno belih filmova dvadesetih prošlog veka i pored već nekoliko godina mojega vlasništva i provetravanja, miris buđi i memle - ne memli, ha, kol'ko bi vredela na E-bayu? S obzirom na to da sam u dešperatu zbog činjenice da ne mogu da odem sam SAMCIT na KRF - i moram globalistički da platim dvostruku cijenu kao kaznu što sam sam na ovome predivnome svijetu & planetu (onda ću povedem neku middle class kurvu, što da plaćam ionako prazan krevet) možda i saznam.

 

U nedelju sam kupio nekoliko komada za smešnu cenu (izdvajam sufistu Yunusa Emrea i ako je tko zainteresovan za put u samog sebe, neka googluje njegovo ime) a hajlajt je autobiografija Paula Gascoignea "Gazza: My Story", koja me je kostala čitavih 30 dinara. Na engleskome. Gazzu je moj friend & ko-0-0-lega (Warning! ovde naglasak Goge Sekulić, plizz!) Bimba gledao sa terasa Highburyju početkom 90-ih prošloga vijeka na derbiju Arsenala versus Totenhema. Bilo je to nepovratno lepo vreme. Godinu dana nakon toga smo gđica Angie Bojović i ja lunjajući progacali pored tog istog Highburyja. A pomenuti Bimba je sedeo za šankom u Subterraniae sa Nickom Caveom - gledajući Crime & The City Solution. Ahh, taj Ante Marković.

 

Pitah prodavca, sada sa zastupnicima u parlamentu (još ekstremnija varijanta od dva Srbina - 3 partije) kol'ko je knjiga, kaže: "Bato, trijes kinti, a ako uzmeš tri komata - 100 kinte."

 

Sad, da l' se u matematici po vaspostavljanju demokracije i Bologne bez Đuzepea Sinjorija SVAŠTA u NEŠTO promenilo, ali to mi i nije baš bilo najjasnije. Nama starog kova 3x30 jeste 90, ali ajde. Ko će da pohvata sve dobrobiti tranzicije? KAKOGOD o njojzi, blagoslovena bila i poživela eone, i nekako nek pusti NAS da preživimo.

 

Knjiga, da. Paperback izdanje, malko na vrhu pastelno garnirana nekim napitkom (sumnjam na oranžadu) - ali tko uopće mari!? Jedino bitno - za mene najčitanija u poslednje vreme. Ekstra, brate. A čitam i čitam. Sve. Od Big Brother specijala do alhemijskih sakramenata. Gazza je bio i moj british heroj tamo početkom 90-ih, sećam se da su ga čak i NME & MM redovno tretirali i mislim da imam jedan broj sa njim na naslovnoj strani. Dok ne dočekamo Đanijevu knjigu i ovo je sjajno - kao što je jutros Đani usred B92 i "Dizanja" zapevao narodnjak i tako poslao ljubav svim ženama sveta. Treba zaista stvari dovesti do apsurda i tako ih razotkriti. Jedini način, definitivno. I odbrana.

 

Neverovatne akcije, subverzije, opiranja, smeštanja & marifetluci organizovani od Gascoignea i ortaka u svakojakim trenucima (uglavnom u sukobu sa normama, mozgom i establišmentom) o kojima on priča/piše su toliko zabavne i smešne i utešne, da će mi ovo biti pratiolac u Beovozu - na repeat. Pa, šta ako i nekom izgleda da se smejem sam "od sebe". To je uvek najlepše. Kaže mi psihijatrica Maja, jedna od najortakinja sa posla, od kada radi sa Žaklinom i mojom malenkosti, nekad joj ni ne treba društvo - valja se po kući sama od smeha, sećajući se naših razgovora. Onih svakodnevnih. (Je l' znate priču o nastanku reči PENISOLA tj. peninsulalingvista Žak je to obradila sa PENIS OLA! & PENIS OLE! ima smisla sa poluostrvnim izbočenjima i ženske svekolike radosti.) I ja polako uploadujem Gazzine fajlove u antivirusni štit i firewall protiv realnosti. Eskapizam? Utopija? Nebitno, treba preživeti.

 

Gazza, da. Najimpresivniji je šematski prikaz nazvan PATH TO RECOVERY, u kojem Gazza pokušava da se skloni od tekućina & prejakih tečnosti kao što su vino, vodka, viski, i PsihoAktivnihSubstanci kokain, morfijum, itd. što je, u stvari, linija njegovog života do trenutka kada je iškrabao šematski prikaz. Kao jednu od odlika u trideset petoj godini navodi da je bio trezan 12 dana, a uz to i uplašen, voljan da umre i da je u takvome stanju u trenutku egzistencijalnog rastrojstva pao na dno dna i čitao knjige cijelih 8 dana.

 

Ja bih dodao da je sve bilo uzalud :-( Ako i posle svega najviše od svega želi da upozna Phila Collinsa, ni čitanje nije baš tako loša opcija. Heroj koji je tražio smisao tamo gde ga nema.

 

APPENDIX No.1

 

Evo malo preporuka i nekih mišljenja o samom Gascoigneu iz knjige. Čisto da zagolica, pre nego što mi ortaci stanu u red. :-) Nemam fetish, ali ova knjiga će ići na spisak naokolo, čisto da se ne desi da netko ne vrati.

 

"Paul came back one day after the meal at a Chinese Restaurant to say he'd brought me some fried rice. I said "how lovely". He gave me the packet and it was still hot, so I thought I'd eat it straight away. I opened it - and found it was load of maggots, which he bought for fishing. I dropped it, screaming and shouting. They were crawling all over the place. I shouted at Paul to get rid of them - now! - and he was just lying on the floor, laughing and laughing." - CAROL GASCOIGNE

 

"He still loveable, even when he does something diabolical", Gary Lineker, Tottenham team-mate, 1991.

 

"He is accused of being arrogant, unable to cope with the press and a boozer. Sounds like he's got chance to me", George Best, 1988.

 

"George Best without brain", Stan Seymour, Newcastle chairman, 1988.

 

"If he were a Brazilian or an Argentinian, you would kiss his hoes", Arthur Cox, Derby manager, after Gascoine has expired Tottenham to victory over his team, 1990.

 

"Paul Gascoigne has dome more for MARS BARS than anyone since Marianne Faithfull", Patrick Barkley, Independent, 1988.

 

"A dog of WAR, with the face of child", Gianni Agnelli, Juventus President admiring Gazza during England's World Cup Run, 1990.

 

"He wears a number 10 jersey. I thought it was his position, but it turns out to be his IQ", George Best, 1993.

 

Image"When he was in Spurs, and had a bought his house in Herfordshire, he was driving past this garden and noticed a man with baldy heed who was bending over his garden. Paul went off and bought some eggs from a shop. Then he drove back to the man's house and threw eggs at the baldy heed", Carol Gascoigne

 

"Comparing Gascoine with Pele is like comparing Rolf Harris with Rembrandt", Rodney Marsch, former England striker, 1990.

 

"Gaza reminds me of Marilyn Monroe. She wasn't great actress in the world, but she was a star and you didn't mind if she was late", Michael Caine

 

"He's fat ill-mannered Geordie who has urinated a glorious GODGIVEN talent against numerous walls. He bites every hand that seeks to restrain him and abuses those who would save him from himself. Not since the death of Princess Diana has a tragic figure so dominated the airwaves", Ian Woolridge, Daily Mail, 3 June 1998.

 

"You'll have to excuse Gazza. He's got very small vacabulary "Lawrie McMenemy, England assistant manager after the player said", FUCK OFF NORWAY, on television, 1992.

 

"He is fantastic player, when he isn't drunk", Brian Laudrup, Rangers team-mate, 1997.

 

"He is an intelligent man who likes the people thinks he's stupid", Ally McCoist, Rangers colleague, 1996.

 

"Gazza is no longer a fat, drunken imbecile! He is, in fact, football genius", Mirror editorial headed", Mr. Paul Gascoigne: An Apology, after his solo goal against Scotland.

 

"There is wildness about Gascoine! On Monday, he was talking about his life's ambition to be picked up by UFO's. I have suspicion he already has been without knowing it for he is no really like us the Earthmen", Simon Barnes, The Times, 20 may 1998

 

APPENDIX No.2

 

Nekoliko mišljenja o samoj knjizi.

 

BIRMINGHAM POST: "A sad, reflective, often very funny tale."
YORK EVENING PRESS: "Painfully honest, but compelling"
DAILY MAIL: "A Moving Book about tragic figure in a wonderful if tainted game."

 

APPENDIX No.3

 

I na kraju (samo) nekoliko bisera, koji već dostižu nivo urbanih legendi GAZZA na netu. Umesto da tražite porno sajtove, odvojite barem jedno popodne, svašta rekoh - može da se nađe na www.paulgascoigne.biz

 

When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse "Church Of England". Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of augmenting team line-ups with footage of every player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing "FUCKING WANKER". Broadcasters around the world had to use it all the way through the tournament.
After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breast implants, sent flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton'.
Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew to be a transvestite.
On meeting with the president on Denmark's FA, pretend he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate imitated THE MUPPET SHOW's Swedish Chief.
Walked into the Middlesbouroghs canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch.
While at Rangers urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.
Handed $1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies Gardner after betting that the burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could twice.
On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his minder a slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in cupboard. The minder thought he'd committed suicide.
After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with virtually every member of Genoa side.

 

Autor: Mileta Okiljević, baltazar zauberquelle

 

P.S. - "If he farts in front of the Queen, we get blemished" - Paul McGaughey, ADIDAS spokesman, on the risks of a sponsorship deal with GAZZA.

 
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